Where you’re on the phone with someone you care about and you’re both doing your own thing, knowing that the other cares enough to stay on the phone. Sometimes the conversation doesn’t matter, just that they’re there you know?
I miss the times where you use to ask me to Skype
I miss the times when you use to be a little more cute and corny not to the max but just a tad
I miss our phone calls
I just hate how you always just ruin the joke or whatever and leave it dead so then there isn’t anything to talk about
I miss how you’d show that you cared a little more
I miss how you use to give me your jumper and all now I can’t even recall the last time you lent me your jumper all I remember is you lent it to Tiffany haha not just your school jumper but your scarf as well. Would you do the same if it was me?
I wish you remembered when it was your day to text me
I wish you’d start the convo and try to save the convo as much as you try when it comes to talking to Tiffany.
I miss so many things right now, it just feels like you’ve changed a little and you don’t care as much as you once did.
Sometimes I just hate seeing you because after I see you I miss you so much afterwards. Even if it’s that we saw each other a few hours ago. Being around you makes me happy. I like knowing you’re present :) whenever I start missing you, then slowly as days go by I slowly don’t feel it as much but then bam! When I see you again..It then starts all over again :(
Looking back at everything I haven’t written anything in my notes for ages but that we’ve finally had the talk and I’ve told you everything so yay about that. But as we finished having that talk there hasn’t been much of a difference I still get the same old feelings but all of a sudden now it feels as if you don’t give a fuck at all. You make me feel like your last priority. I hate it heaps but what can I do? Simply wait for you to show that you love me. I’m holding onto this relationship so tight because I want this relationship so badly and about you, I don’t even know what you think about this relationship. Seems like you don’t really care at all. Right from this very day and going back a bit it’s been so weird. Our conversations aren’t so great anymore while your convos with T are always the best. You told me you don’t text her everyday that’s why my fucking arse you text her everyday lol. You always text her early at like 7ish then when it’s me you reply to me at 8ish lol thanks for making me feel so loved by you! You make me feel like shit like your fuking last priority. You said you had something to tell me then next minute you turn around saying you were just trying to get me curious? I’m sure I know there was something for you to tell me. Then when I say say swear on our relo you can’t say it and you still haven’t replied lol right… Not suspicious at all man.
Every time I’m down I always look back to the note you wrote me and just try to keep that in mind. I’m so scared that opening up to you will be the wrong thing to do because what if you take it the wrong way? What if it leads us to a break up? I want to open up to you so that we know each other better and understand what one another wants and thinks. But if me opening up to you I guess that just means we aren’t meant to be because obviously I’m opening up to you so that we can fix things. I love you so much and I know if we break up it’ll be the hardest thing for me but if we aren’t meant to be we should force it but sometimes forcing it is the thing to do maybe after forcing it then it’ll actually flow the right way and things will be good. People have got to stop saying what meant to be will be yes it’s true but at the same time you should make effort to try and change things and get what you want. Like the saying. If you want something chase after it. Don’t just leave it because by doing that you won’t be getting anywhere or anything. I admit yes I want too much and expect too much but what I want most is for you to be able to tell me things even if it’s nothing huge even if it’s just you that you poked your eye or something stupid. I want you to tell me things and be able to open up. That’s what will help our relationship out. I need you to show that you care a little more right now you seem a little careless yes you want to give me freedom but don’t you reckon it’s just too much? I actually miss the feeling of having your boyfriend care for you. It makes me feel wanted an it makes me know that you love me and all I just want to be able to see that you love me. I know you do but still yknow? I can’t explain but boy I would do a lot of things for this relationship to work. I dot want you telling others how you feel I want you to be able to tell me if I’m being too clingy or something. So I can fix that. Or else ill continue to be that way when you don’t like it. I guess I’m just going to kb, not be clingy and not argue with you anymore. I just want everything to work :-/
I know Jenny affected you a lot and I hate that and it seems like you’re using it as an excuse to what will happen now. But I’m telling you that this will not happen between us if you trust me enough. I will not put you through that. I just don’t want you to keep ur pass memories and pain reflecting it toward us. Neither of us is god or a fortune teller so why assume that things will be the same as back then. The reason people let go of things in the first place is obviously to move on right? Well if that’s the case then you should forget about your past memories, pain and emotions. You’ve moved on already, you made the choice to move on that’s why today there is an us today, and obviously moving on equals more happiness but why aren’t we happy? Why are you being scared of what might happen? Like i said we aren’t a fortune teller nor god. If you want to be happy go with the flow. Can’t we just forget about Everything and just think about now? Dont think about the future or the past and if we can do so then how happy could we be? When I’m with you I never think about the past back then I once did think about it and was scared of things and all because of my past but then I thought to myself I can’t compare the past with the future because the past is the past.
After our so called perfect if like to say date yesterday it was all fucking fine till I had that cute az phone call with you thinking that yay things are even more better and that I would end the night on a good note. You tell me you that youre going to bed as soon as you get home and all that bullfuck. Swore on our relationship, pinky promised and what do you know? In the end you fucking lied. I you that we could only break promises but you turn around and break the pinky promise. I once trusted you too much but now I don’t even know if I trust you anymore. I find out you and her are still talking at fucken 12 in the morning FUCK YOU IM YOUR FUCKIN GIRLFRIEND FOR ALL I KNOW I MAKE YOU ONE OF MY TOP PRIORITIES AND I GET LEFT AS YPUR LAST? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT FUCKEN HURTS WHEN YOU LEAVE SOMEONE THAT LOCES YOU SO MUCH AT THE END OF YOUR PRIORITY LIST? YOU DON’T EVEN WANT THIS RELATIONSHIP YOU NEVER SHOW THAT YOU CARE. YOUNEVER WANNA TALK TO ME SO FUCKONG FORGRT IT FUCKEN FORGET .
Sleep Jessica fucking sleep I dont want to be awake being awake just makes me think about us and I’m so tired of thinking about us right now why do I have to be awake but sleeping isn’t the best ether because even when I sleep you always seem to enter my dreams. Zzz
